I am learning that real recovery exists now—in the present. It cannot exist in any other time.
What good is ten years or ten hours of sobriety if I don’t practice recovery right now?
My recovery means I admit that I cannot fight my lust addiction on my own. Every day, I have to admit this. Every moment Lust tempts me, I must remember that I will invariably lose control if I entertain Lust.
My recovery means I choose to believe God can fight my lust addiction and win, and I choose to surrender my self-will to His will in order to let Him fight for me. I have to willingly do this every day and in every moment I am tempted.
My recovery means I examine my past to learn my weaknesses. But I don’t dwell there. Thanks to the steps and God’s grace, I don’t have to dwell on my past, and I don’t need to distract myself from it with lust and fantasy.
My recovery means I willingly give up all my defects of character because they have me chained to my lust addiction. I must do this every day and every moment I observe my defects. This is critical.
My recovery means I must willingly become someone else, a better me. The same Me will return to selfishness and Lust.
My recovery means I willingly give up my resentment toward people who’ve earned it. It means I forgive and seek forgiveness.
My recovery means I give up my desire to be impatient and ask God to replace it with patience.
My recovery means I cannot hold on to anger and expect to be sober.
My recovery means I cannot try to control Lust. If I want to be sober then I cannot afford to fantasize.
My recovery means I cannot afford to be ungrateful. I cannot afford to covet what I don’t have right now, because that is a form of fantasizing.
My recovery means I am learning to stay in the present. It means I am learning to be grateful for what I have right now.
My recovery means I work the steps today so that tomorrow isn’t too much.
My recovery means I pray for serenity to accept what I cannot change today, courage to change what I can today, and wisdom to know the difference today.
The amazing and exciting thing about my recovery is that the twelve steps work when I work them, not because of me but because of God. They work despite me.
My recovery means I don’t deserve it, and I am learning to accept it anyway.