When Will I Recover?

I am learning that real recovery exists now—in the present. It cannot exist in any other time.

What good is ten years or ten hours of sobriety if I don’t practice recovery right now?

My recovery means I admit that I cannot fight my lust addiction on my own. Every day, I have to admit this. Every moment Lust tempts me, I must remember that I will invariably lose control if I entertain Lust.

My recovery means I choose to believe God can fight my lust addiction and win, and I choose to surrender my self-will to His will in order to let Him fight for me. I have to willingly do this every day and in every moment I am tempted.

My recovery means I examine my past to learn my weaknesses. But I don’t dwell there. Thanks to the steps and God’s grace, I don’t have to dwell on my past, and I don’t need to distract myself from it with lust and fantasy.

My recovery means I willingly give up all my defects of character because they have me chained to my lust addiction. I must do this every day and every moment I observe my defects. This is critical.

My recovery means I must willingly become someone else, a better me. The same Me will return to selfishness and Lust.

My recovery means I willingly give up my resentment toward people who’ve earned it. It means I forgive and seek forgiveness.

My recovery means I give up my desire to be impatient and ask God to replace it with patience.

My recovery means I cannot hold on to anger and expect to be sober.

My recovery means I cannot try to control Lust. If I want to be sober then I cannot afford to fantasize.

My recovery means I cannot afford to be ungrateful. I cannot afford to covet what I don’t have right now, because that is a form of fantasizing.

My recovery means I am learning to stay in the present. It means I am learning to be grateful for what I have right now.

My recovery means I work the steps today so that tomorrow isn’t too much.

My recovery means I pray for serenity to accept what I cannot change today, courage to change what I can today, and wisdom to know the difference today.

The amazing and exciting thing about my recovery is that the twelve steps work when I work them, not because of me but because of God. They work despite me.

My recovery means I don’t deserve it, and I am learning to accept it anyway.

2 thoughts on “When Will I Recover?

  1. I’m fully recovered from 47-years of pornography addiction. I’m not in recovery; I am recovered – 100% fully recovered. That happened over 7 years ago and I have since had no temptation for the filth. Your blog is titled, “When Will I Recover.” What allowed me to recover was correct knowledge and understanding. One thing that every single porn addict I’ve ever talked to does is that he looks around at women. The world says that this is normal for men – men just look around at women. This is a lie planted by Satan thousands of years ago. Every man who relapses didn’t stop looking around at women and kept himself in crisis. He may be abstaining from looking at porn, but he continues looking at women and keeps his addiction alive. In the April 1970 general conference, Elder Hartman Rector, Jr., called doing things like this as “feeding the evil desire.” There are many other things I’ve learned that keeps me from relapsing, but I’ll keep this comment short.

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