On my Mind

Peace feels precious when I have reason to be afraid and choose peace anyway.

I also feel stressed.

On my mind:

  • moving
  • finding a new place to live
  • ending this stupid lease
  • my health
  • the weight I’m putting on
  • packing
  • the virus
  • do I have enough food?
  • looking forward to having my children for more time than I’m used to
  • feeling stressed about having my children for more time than I’m used to
  • how do I take care of myself when they’re with me?

The Steps teach me to turn to my Higher Power for serenity to accept what I cannot change, courage to change what I can, and wisdom to know the difference. They also teach me to get outside my head and talk to people for support.

My sponsor is showing me how to practice those ideas one day at a time. Some things I have power to change but not power to change in one day. Sometimes all I can do today is do one thing to move in the right direction.

For example, I can’t undo in one day the weight I’ve gained during this quarantine. I can exercise today. One action today to change what I can change.

I can’t control the COVID-19 virus. I can’t stop it from infecting me or my family, or stop it from impacting my job, or stop it from affecting the economy. Accept what I cannot change today. I can wash my hands and practice social distancing. And I can pray for the nurses, doctors, and others on the front lines. That’s all. Change what I can today.

I can try to fight reality or I can choose to surrender to it. Very simple. Also very difficult sometimes, but so much easier than fighting.

Fighting against reality drains me. It robs me of my freedom to choose. I become an object to be acted upon.

Choosing to submit to what I cannot control is freedom in action. I become an agent to act. I surrender my will and my false notion of control to God’s will and His all-knowing and all-powerful control. This gives me peace.

I am grateful for these hard times that are giving me the chance to learn and practice these principles.

I pray you and yours are well, all things considered.

2 thoughts on “On my Mind

  1. I constantly feel at peace. The first thing I do in the morning and the last thing I do at night is to check my inner peace. I check to make sure the ministering spirits the Holy Ghost uses to accomplish his work are nearby. I crave that peace and I try to not do anything to drive those ministering spirits away. I also check periodically throughout the day. I make sure that if there is anything amiss, even minor, I correct it immediately.

    I read something interesting from Pres. Kimball. He said that the more spiritual knowledge you gain, the closer the Holy Ghost will become to you. In turn, the closer the Holy Ghost becomes, the more spiritual knowledge you want to gain and in turn, the closer the Holy Ghost becomes. This is a self-fulfilling cycle. It is one of the reasons why Elder Ballard said, “True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel.”

    One thing that always keeps me healed is that I constantly study the doctrines of the Gospel. Over the past 7 years, I have downloaded every single magazine every published by the Church that is available in PDF. That is over 9200 magazines as well as over 200 books and I constantly go through them. It is amazing the things that were common knowledge among the membership of the Church during the first 110 years, but have fallen out of use and are now ignored to their detriment. And the way the early Brethren wrote was different; it was more like what you see in the scriptures. There was no sugar-coating, no mollycoddling; they called a spade, a spade. If you try writing like that now, the membership would scream and cry.

    I cannot begin to tell you how much this has increased my faith and inner peace.

    Liked by 1 person

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